Monday, September 24, 2007

tasty sky


We went to the local corn maze this weekend, and my husband took this photo of the southeastern sky at sunset. It was such a beautiful evening. I love this time of year.
I didn't intend to do my four posts and then quit, but I guess that's me. I promise myself to get back in the swing of this thing. I may even play the piano today too.

Monday, September 10, 2007

small steps toward a goal

My friend Lisa and I made a pact with each other. We're trying to support each other's drive to be more creative and follow through on the things we really want to do but are not doing for various reasons. Last time we got together we set goals for each other: I would make four posts to this blog, and she would finish a pastel drawing she had started.
Today is the deadline (extended only once). Tomorrow we will get together for lunch. This is my fourth post since then -- hooray for me! Hopefully tomorrow I will get to see a lovely pastel drawing of daisies.
As we both get in better habits with these things, she will be creating more art, and I will make more progress on creating a website that will showcase her art. How's that for synergy?

Saturday, September 8, 2007

what's stopping me

I have such good intentions. I really do.

But something always stops me.

I have wanted to start a blog for at least five years now, but didn't do it because -- even though I am a "writer" -- what if it turns out I have nothing interesting to say?

I know I need to make exercise a much bigger part of my life and that it's possible to look and feel better, healthier and younger; but I don't make myself do it because what if it turns out I wouldn't look as good as Sheryl Crow or Demi Moore?


I took eight years of piano lessons when I was a kid, and I can still play some things that I played when I was a teenager. And I can still learn new pieces as long as I know what they are supposed to sound like and are in a key that doesn't have too many sharps or flats. I have two pieces of music that I would dearly love to be able to play well, and sometimes I work on them, but I don't keep it up for very long. I think it's because what if I can't ever play them well? If I don't keep practicing, I'll never know. But if I do keep practicing and still never get any better, then that would suck, right?

I really want to reach out and make friends with some of my acquaintances -- invite couples over for dinner, make a connection with other moms who seem interesting -- but I don't ever pick up the phone and call someone and move it to that next level because what if they think "I don't want to be friends with that boring and/or annoying woman"?

I'm getting tired of being someone who doesn't follow through on her good intentions.

The more I write, the better my writing will become, and I will eventually have something interesting to say.
I won't ever be a hardbody like Sheryl or Demi, but if I exercise more I can make myself healthier and slimmer than I am now, and that would be awesome.

I have proven that I can play the piano well if I practice. If I do work on those pieces every day (or even every other day), I WILL eventually be able to play them. And just playing the piano at all makes me feel more like the creative person that I want to be.

As far as making friends...that seems like the hardest one. Yet I am feeling more and more lately how important it is for us humans to connect with each other. I am not actually boring or annoying, I don't think. So I should really follow up on this intention.
This is what has been stopping me. This post is my first step toward taking action.

Thursday, September 6, 2007

i am not THAT old!

When I was a teenager and young adult, I always looked younger than my years. Don't know what it was, but people always thought I was younger than I was. They'd say, "Oh, you're lucky. The older you get, the happier you'll be to look younger!"

The trouble was, as I got older, somewhere along the line I must have started looking older. In fact, when I was 29 and taking care of some last-minute details for my wedding reception, the idiot security guard at the place asked me, "Are you the mother of the bride?"

"Um, I'm the BRIDE!" Gee, thanks for making me feel so attractive on my wedding day!

Fast-forward five years later to a shopping trip out with my second baby. She was about a week old, and I was probably looking pretty haggard as I piloted the stroller to the department store checkout and put the baby dresses up on the counter. The (extremely young) clerk smiled and said, "Oh, are these for your granddaughter?"

Yeah, right. Let's see, if I had a daughter at seventeen, and SHE had a daughter at seventeen, that would work out about right. I think I burst into tears at that point and shocked the clerk with "No!! they're for my DAUGHTER!! I just had a BABY!  GOD!!"

Now that I'm getting to that age (45) where I could actually be a pretty young grandmother (while not a teenage-pregnancy-induced grandmother), I guess I shouldn't be so sensitive about it. I think I look pretty good. I could stand to lose a few pounds, and I'm starting to have an intimate understanding of why people get facelifts (though I don't ever really want to do that); but I try to dress to flatter my figure, I wear makeup, I have a cute haircut, and I still feel about 29 inside.

So it was kind of a shock when I went to one of those "passion parties" last year, you know, where you get together and have drinks with your girlfriends and then one of them starts demonstrating sex toys and accessories for everyone to buy. My friend Lisa talked me into going with her; I hadn't been out to do anything fun in a while, and was trying to get in the spirit of the thing while having drinks before the demonstration, when a neighbor of hers came up to me and said, "Oh, I just wanted to say hi! I've seen you at Lisa's before -- you're her mother-in-law, aren't you?"

Wow, I feel so sexy now. Let me whip out my credit-card and buy some lingerie for this hot grandmotherly body. "Um, NO! I'm her FRIEND. I am TWO YEARS older than Lisa!!! I am not old enough to be her mother-in-law!!!"  She recoiled, obviously regretting her error; and after hearing my sob story, Lisa said to me, "Oh, she's young, and everyone knows she's kind of an airhead." But still. Gah.

It took me the rest of the year to get over that one. I look at myself and try to figure out what it is...maybe my posture. Maybe if I stand up straight, smile more, wear younger clothes, something...

But it's obviously not working. The other day I saw a classmate of my 10-year-old's at the grocery store. I smiled at him and he said "I know you!! You're Allie's grandma!"
"I'm Allie's MOM."
"Oh! Sorry!"
Huh. Well, maybe it's time to just embrace it. Because I think I look pretty damn good for a grandma!

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

i now have a teenager


I went into labor on Labor Day weekend thirteen years ago, and my first daughter Maggie was born, changing my life forever (in the best way) and ushering me into the parenthood club. She was an adorable baby, then a smart go-getter of a toddler, a helpful big sister, and a bright, creative little girl.

As we head into the teenage years, we're starting to get the eye-rolls and heavy sighs and storming out of the room that I remember from my own early teen-hood (with the unspoken "I'm so mad! I don't know why! I'm just mad! No one understands! You people are hopeless!). But most of the time she is loving, funny, sensible, and responsible, just the kind of teenager I would hope for. I really hope we can hang on to this kind of teenager. I'd rather not have the kind I was. (Although I never really did much of anything besides sitting and moping in my room, hating myself and thinking about boys.)


I've just been thinking about how lucky I am to have such a great daughter.