Saturday, September 8, 2007

what's stopping me

I have such good intentions. I really do.

But something always stops me.

I have wanted to start a blog for at least five years now, but didn't do it because -- even though I am a "writer" -- what if it turns out I have nothing interesting to say?

I know I need to make exercise a much bigger part of my life and that it's possible to look and feel better, healthier and younger; but I don't make myself do it because what if it turns out I wouldn't look as good as Sheryl Crow or Demi Moore?


I took eight years of piano lessons when I was a kid, and I can still play some things that I played when I was a teenager. And I can still learn new pieces as long as I know what they are supposed to sound like and are in a key that doesn't have too many sharps or flats. I have two pieces of music that I would dearly love to be able to play well, and sometimes I work on them, but I don't keep it up for very long. I think it's because what if I can't ever play them well? If I don't keep practicing, I'll never know. But if I do keep practicing and still never get any better, then that would suck, right?

I really want to reach out and make friends with some of my acquaintances -- invite couples over for dinner, make a connection with other moms who seem interesting -- but I don't ever pick up the phone and call someone and move it to that next level because what if they think "I don't want to be friends with that boring and/or annoying woman"?

I'm getting tired of being someone who doesn't follow through on her good intentions.

The more I write, the better my writing will become, and I will eventually have something interesting to say.
I won't ever be a hardbody like Sheryl or Demi, but if I exercise more I can make myself healthier and slimmer than I am now, and that would be awesome.

I have proven that I can play the piano well if I practice. If I do work on those pieces every day (or even every other day), I WILL eventually be able to play them. And just playing the piano at all makes me feel more like the creative person that I want to be.

As far as making friends...that seems like the hardest one. Yet I am feeling more and more lately how important it is for us humans to connect with each other. I am not actually boring or annoying, I don't think. So I should really follow up on this intention.
This is what has been stopping me. This post is my first step toward taking action.

1 comment:

  1. You have taken such a huge, huge step - even if you don't see it. Putting all that in writing is amazing to me, kinda brave, like me finally hanging a painting I did on my own wall. gulp. You've already succeeded on the blog ... keep going. L